The scientific advisory board of Eight Sleep has shared early results of a groundbreaking study, under the expert guidance of Dr. Peter Attia, into the effects of widespread shaming on sleep quality. “In an era when so many everyday Americans are being credibly accused of having years-long friendships with convicted billionaire sex criminals,” a spokesperson for the board explained, “we feel that it’s more important than ever to understand the long-term impact this may have on not only the conscience, but also the brain health of the disgraced individual. After just the first few days of research, we’re already seeing that there is a direct link between having one’s ties to sex traffickers come to light and losing the ability to sleep peacefully at night.”
Dr. Attia will need to dedicate long hours away as both a subject of the study and its lead researcher, demonstrating yet again his commitment to placing nothing, not even time spent with those closest to him, above advancing the burgeoning field of longevity science.
The search for other subjects was fruitful, drawing some of the biggest and most besmirched names at the intersection of technology, philosophy and politics. Many, however, did not meet the standards for participation in the study.
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