Prime Day is back, and so am I.
Why Amazon decided that Prime Day needed to be a multi-annual event, I'll never know. It's possible that the retailer has decided to personally punish me for sharing a singular Prime account with my six roommates back in my early 20s. Whatever the cause, I am now sentenced to cover every Prime Day in perpetuity, like a modern-day, post-capitalist Sisyphus.
This summer, in the final hours of a four-day Prime "Day" marathon, I wrote a fever dream post after all my bosses had gone home for the weekend. It was about my own personal Amazon wish list, and I essentially wrote it hoping someone would buy me a present as a reward for spending 96 hours of my life talking about deals. Hoisted with my own petard, that post actually performed shockingly well (yet, somehow, I didn't get any presents), so unfortunately for all of us, my bosses have now asked me to subject you all to my wish list again this Prime Day. I'm sorry (kind of).
Once again, I've included some items from my coworkers' wish lists, because they have equally unhinged and impeccable tastes. Oh, and I'm probably obliged to tell you that we're rounding up the best deals still happening over in our Prime Day deals hub.
My Amazon Prime Day wish list
A digital display calendar so my husband can track my very busy schedule!
I'm a girl on the go! Or, at least, I wish I were. What a dream it would be to fill this calendar with lots of exciting plans — to be so busy that I need a communal calendar so my husband and cat can keep track of my comings and goings. I'm told this calendar pretty much never goes on sale, so I'm intrigued. The wise folks that populate my TikTok feed say you should optimize for the life you want, not the life you have. Maybe if I buy it, it will begin to fill up with exciting plans instead of the endless array of meetings that could have been emails that I'm subjected to each week.
A complete life re-evaluation!
Prime Day always makes me question the way in which I'm living my life. Here, my TikTok sages once again have a solution: The Artist's Way. Twenty-three dollars (on sale) seems like a low price to pay for a complete restructuring of my life, so I'm willing to give it a try.
A cord for tucking in all my sweaters
File shirt tucking under the list of things I can't ever seem to get right. I can't be alone in that, though, because these shirt-tucking devices exist. As far as I can tell, it's a bungee cord you wrap around your waist, but for $10, I'm willing to give it a try.
A tomato lamp
It's giving whimsy. It's giving joy. It's giving tomato girl winter.
A family pack of Nerds Gummy Clusters
Some commerce journalists get through Prime Day fueled on coffee and a prayer. I get through on a steady drip line of Nerds Gummy Clusters.
A new Kindle because I stole my husband's
Readers of last Prime Day's post might recall that I had wished for a Kindle Paperwhite because my husband got one for his birthday, and I was jealous. I ended up completely co-opting that Kindle and using it for my own purposes, perpetually promising him I would buy my own when the next Prime Day rolled around. Well, here it is and I need to finally make good on my promise, so a Kindle Paperwhite is (reluctantly) going in my cart.
Hand straps for said Kindle
I'm embarrassed by the number of times I've dropped my (husband's) Kindle on my face while reading in bed.
Two 90-count bags of cough drops
To add insult to injury, I'm sick this Prime Day. It could be strep! It could be Covid! Until I find out, I'll be nursing this giant bag of cough drops.
No gray hairs, EVER!
I've been shedding hair like crazy lately. This phenomenon is occurring suspiciously close to Prime Day, but I can't prove latent capitalism is the culprit. I'm coming to terms with the possibility that it's my hair dye. This is sad, because my ultimate Prime Day wish is that my gray hairs would go away forever. In the meantime, I'll probably just keep losing my hair to boxed dye in the pursuit of living up to society's unrealistic expectations about aging "gracefully."
An all-expense paid vacation somewhere far, far away
I wish for an all-expense-paid escape to a land blissfully unaware of Prime Day (Canada, maybe?) — where WiFi signals are weak, cocktails are strong, and the only "add to cart" moment is me, floating in a lemon-yellow ring of serenity. I'm adrift in turquoise waters, unbothered and un-Slackable. Somewhere between the gentle hum of cicadas and the clink of ice in my drink, I remember that deadlines and deals are both human inventions — and I, gloriously buoyant, am not participating.
My coworkers' wish lists
When asked about their wish lists, many of my coworkers were so "practical" with their choices. Where's the frivolity? Fortunately, with a little imagination, I've angled their picks to be more in line with my definition of unhinged.
Jaclyn wants to redeem herself from last Prime Day, when she bought — I kid you not — 29 items.
"This time around I'm trying to be more conservative in my spending, but with cozy season coming up, I'm thinking of taking the plunge on this Anrabess Tracksuit, a great dupe for Spanx, and one of our style writer's favorite sweatsuits. I love a matching set, and since I work from home, the days I'm not working in pjs, I'm in athleisure. There's a dizzying array of colors to choose from." —Jaclyn Turner
Jenn wishes to dress her little brother up in a tiny detective costume.
"I'll be spending Halloween this year dog-sitting for my parents while they go on vacation without me (thanks, guys), so obviously I need to make the most of it. He's a mini-schnauzer who always kind of looks like he's in deep thought about something, so this detective costume is really speaking to me. The chances of him tolerating the hat for more than two seconds are slim to none, but that's a $13 risk I'm willing to take." —Jennifer Gonick
Sally also wants to dress as a detective.
"I've had this in my cart for a while, and I think I might finally bite the bullet on it. I'm 5-foot-2 (aka short as hell), so I'm always looking for cropped styles that seem proportionate to my body. The light khaki color is my ideal for a trench coat, but my worry with this one is that the arms are certainly going to be too long for me. At this price, though, what the heck — I can always return it." —Sally Kaplan
Sam wants to volunteer to host the next team happy hour.
"I host happy hours constantly — mostly because I love the art of building a beautiful cocktail. These tulip glasses spark instant inspiration. I can already picture rosewater spritzes, flower-shaped ice, and a perfectly curled citrus twist on top." —Samantha Crozier
Gabi wants her son to stop eating electrical cords!
"My cat James has the nuclear codes for what irks me. The boy seems hell bent on electrocuting himself because he keeps chewing through my charging cords. I'm considering these protective cable covers for his safety (and my sanity)." —Gabrielle Chase
And Kinsley wishes her's would be seen and not heard.
"I'm addicted to buying my toys for my dog — even though his toy box is currently overflowing. He loves loud, squeaky, crinkly toys that he can thrash around, so I think he'd love this toy octopus, complete with a squeaker and crinkly tentacles. It doesn't even have stuffing, which means less clean up for me when he inevitably destroys it. Maybe it's just because he's barking at me as I write this (I'll never know peace), but I sure wish he had a new toy to keep him entertained." —Kinsley Searles
Jaclyn wishes her friends would realize that their floors are gross as hell!
"This is less of a wish list item of mine, but one that I have seen on at least four of the six wedding registries I've been invited to this year. I'm debating if I'm going to be the extra generous friend who fulfills their floorcare dreams, or give them a nudge that the vacuum on their registry is deeply on sale (and to make sure they update it accordingly to the best price on the internet so maybe a wealthy relative can bestow upon them this honor). The Dyson V8 is a mighty workhorse with plenty of power; it's on sale for Prime Day for $299, normally $539. If I were willing to spend closer to the original price, my no-brainer favorite is the Dyson V15 Detect Plus, which is on sale for $569, and features a green laser that reveals what the eye can't see. Seriously, it's game-changing." —Jaclyn Turner
Kinsley's deal is gone — but she wants to be sure you know she snagged it.
"Yesterday, my very own Prime Day miracle happened: I found one of my dream Lego sets for 30% off (recently retired, might I add). It's now sold out (boo for you and yay for me), but a girl can never have too much Lego. I love these mini bonsai trees — they look like a quick, easy build that would satisfy newbies and AFOLs alike (IYKYK). It comes with three little trees, so you can build them with friends or family and use them for home decor once you're done building." —Kinsley Searles
Shopping for more discounts tonight? Check out our roundup of all of the best Prime Day deals, or browse Amazon's website for the full selection.
The post Prime Day is back, and so is my unhinged wish list appeared first on Business Insider