Trump seems to believe the presidency comes with C-Suite access for the planet as a whole: he can interview foreign leaders for job openings, dissolve international peacekeeping entities, fudge the expense reports, and dispatch his wife to “do” diplomacy like she’s running the annual company charity auction. (All the items for sale are signed copies of her autobiography, of course.) And that’s before the environmental rollbacks and the renaming sprees like the planet is a failing franchise he’s trying to rebrand. In Trump’s head, the U.S. is corporate HQ and the rest of the world is a network of regional branch offices.
Most leaders wrestle with governing. Trump skips the match and just announces he won. Everything is going the way he says it’s going—better than ever! He has decided he’s going to redecorate not just the White House ballroom but the entire globe, starting with hostile takeovers of Venezuela and Iran; maybe Cuba and Greenland penciled in for next quarter?
Let’s start with Trump’s latest foray into international headhunting: his announcement that he must be personally involved in selecting Iran’s next Supreme Leader. He’s also suggested that the regime’s handpicked successor to the Ayatollah killed in the recent U.S. strike should, wait for it, be killed too. This would be worth of an HR investigation if Trump believed in HR; the man who free-associates through war briefings now wants to run the hiring committee. You can imagine the interview now: ‘Tell me about a time you showed leadership under pressure. Are you willing to relocate? Also, would you describe your hatred of America as a strength or an opportunity?”
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