Serious debt can be a huge emotional burden. According to a study by Freedom Debt Relief, nearly half of borrowers with at least $10,000 in debt are motivated to get out of debt in order to become less stressed and regain control.
Unfortunately, many borrowers make the situation even more stressful by shouldering the debt alone. According to data collected in the same study, approximately one in five Americans with serious debt don't tell other people about it, which can keep them from accessing help they might sorely need.
Here's why so many people in debt don't feel like they can tell their friends or loved ones, and what they can do to get debt back in control.
Shame and guilt can trap people into dealing with debt alone
Angela Goodman never expected to find herself in $2.7 million worth of debt.
"It was a huge identity hit, obviously. In my life, I had always made really good money, and had worked really hard in order to save money," she told Business Insider. "I was very much tied to the identity of being able to make it always work."
Goodman had invested her life savings in a restaurant franchise in 2016. The business was just starting to make money when COVID hit. The next blow to the business came in 2025. Goodman is based out of Northern Virginia, near Washington, D.C., and much of her clientele was government workers who worked from home. When the return-to-office order came through, she lost 35% of her sales.
Eventually, Goodman had to declare Chapter 7 bankruptcy. But it took time for her to tell other people — even a bankruptcy lawyer — about her debt.
"I felt guilty, obviously. I felt like I made decisions that could have been better choices," she said. "I also felt like I didn't want people to know the truth. I mean, I didn't want to share it with anybody. I just felt very shameful.
"Bankruptcy is one of those things where, literally, people will look at you like you have a disease," she continued. "So it was just something I really didn't want to come to terms with publicly."
Communication is key when it comes to actually handling debt
Financial advisor and CFP Nick Gertsema said that communication can be a huge hurdle when it comes to dealing with debt, especially between couples.
"I've been in the room where the husband or wife has found out about the amount of debt that they have," he said. Typically, he continues, one spouse thinks they're "just about to be able to pay it off" while they're "slowly digging themselves deeper and deeper in because they think they're gonna pull themselves out."
Gertsema said that, by the time clients come to him, most of them are ready to admit their debt. But sometimes clients will downplay their debt or just neglect to mention it until specifically asked.
But without a good idea of their debt, Gertsema isn't able to make a good financial plan for them.
"Debt is just as important as assets when it comes to putting together a financial plan," he said. "And it will eat you alive faster than you can dig yourself out."
Ways to get your debt back in control
One of the reasons people ignore debt is that they just don't know how to deal with it. If that's where you are, here are some ways to start getting debt back under control.
Snowball or avalanche?
There are two common methods for paying off debt: A debt avalanche, where you focus on paying down the highest-interest debt first, and a debt snowball, where you pay off the smallest debt balance first.
In terms of pure numbers, debt avalanches will always make the most mathematical sense over time. But managing your finances is also about managing your emotions around finances, especially when it comes to debt. Debt snowballs can be helpful for that aspect of debt management.
"When you have multiple places that you have debt, that feeling of paying off one balance — you can easily start to flow into you feeling like you want that high again as you start paying off other balances," Gertsema says.
If you know a debt snowball will help you stay motivated when paying off your debt, then that could be a good choice for you.
Debt relief
If you're feeling totally overwhelmed by the amount of debt you have — possibly even considering bankruptcy — a debt relief service from a company might be a good choice for you.
Debt relief services like Freedom Debt Relief negotiate with your creditors with the aim of reducing the amount of debt you owe. After a free initial consultation to evaluate your financial situation and eligible unsecured debts, the company may recommend a debt settlement program designed to help resolve your debt over approximately 24 to 48 months.
During a debt settlement program, consumers typically set aside funds in a dedicated account, which are used to pay settlements as they're negotiated and approved.
Remember that a legitimate debt relief company won't promise results upfront (results depend on the negotiations with your creditors) and won't ask to collect any fees before negotiating successful settlements.
Whether you want to tackle debt on your own or with professional help, chances are you'll have to talk about it.
Created by the Commerce team at Business Insider with Freedom Debt Relief.
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