I thought reality TV was trash, then 'Real Housewives' helped me connect with my daughter while she's at college

• I've always dismissed reality TV like Bravo's "Real Housewives" series as shallow and exploitative.
• Then my 22-year-old daughter asked me to watch "Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" with her.
• The show gave us a shared language to talk about women, relationships, and the pressures we face.

As a former English literature major, I really thought I was above reality TV.

I don't watch a lot of content, and when I do, I'm more of a "Game of Thrones" person than a "Real Housewives" person. I love analyzing themes, motives, and emotional arcs, and I assumed the Bravo franchise had nothing to offer but mindless drama.

For years, I had avoided the shows and would usually leave the room when my teenage daughter turned them on. Today, things have changed. I now happily watch the drama, appreciative of how my daughter and I have connected and found a way to talk about important topics through what many consider to be a guilty-pleasure show.

A new chance to connect with my daughter

My daughter went off to college, and got busier, more independent, and harder to read from a distance. I missed her like crazy and often felt like I had fewer and fewer windows into the woman she was becoming.

So when she suggested I watch an episode of "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City," a show I'd long viewed as the epitome of trash TV, I surprised us both by reconsidering.

Even though we were two states away from each other, while my daughter is away at school, I decided to watch an episode on my own. I didn't expect to like it, but I love my daughter more than I dislike reality TV, so I gave it a try.

The show challenged my expectations

When I sat down for my first episode, I expected tacky glam, tired stereotypes, and fake conflict, and I got all of that. But I also saw a lot more, including women wrestling with shame and accountability, resisting unrealistic expectations, confronting faith transitions, and reinventing themselves after major midlife upheavals.

To my surprise, I was hooked, especially when I started talking through the storylines with my daughter.

I was shocked at how fast the show became our shared language. We started out laughing at the bad behavior and wild fashion, but soon the conversations deepened, and we found ourselves discussing body image, mental health, and relationships, especially women's friendships. In fact, we've talked more in the last month, since I started watching, than we have since she left for college.

I've learned a lot about us both

Watching "RHOSLC" has opened a new connection between my daughter and me at a stage of parenting when I wasn't sure how to reach her. Through our weekly Housewives debriefs, I've learned so much about her views on loyalty, identity, ambition, faith, and belonging.

She notices patterns in relationships that took me decades to understand. Her emotional intelligence, especially her ability to call out toxicity and name her boundaries, reassures me that she's not just okay, she's thriving.

And in turn, I've been able to share my own insights, not in my lecturing "mom voice," but as another woman navigating friendships, reinvention, and societal pressures. Watching the show has created a neutral space where we can meet as equals, rather than parent and child.

It's important to meet adult children where they are

I'm still not a fan of how the show perpetuates negative stereotypes, promotes conspicuous consumption, and glamorizes toxic relationships for entertainment value.But I appreciate how the show gives us a way to talk openly about those issues. Watching women in midlife grapple with everything from body image to an empty nest provides young women with a wider, more complex picture of adulthood than they might find elsewhere.

This experience has changed how I think about connecting with my adult children. Sometimes the best bridge isn't a carefully crafted heart-to-heart, it's the willingness to try new things and meet them where they are. And I'm reminded that I would do anything for my kids. Even watch reality TV.

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