Opinion: In Trump’s Courtroom, Judge Jeanine Is Now on Trial

The closest I’ve ever come to being a lawyer was playing the bowling alley manager for a bowling-alley-owning lawyer on the TV show Ed,so I may not be fully qualified to discuss the imbroglio now surrounding actual United States Attorney for the District of Columbia, Jeanine Pirro.

Attorney for the District of Columbia Jeanine Pirro speaks during a press conference at the U.S. Attorney's Office for the District of Columbia on July 02, 2026, in Washington, DC. / Anna Moneymaker / Anna Moneymaker, Getty Images

But here we are anyway. You probably already know that Pirro’s vandalism case against Olympic canoeist David Hearn has dissolved as surely as the paint coating the bottom of the Capitol’s Reflecting Pool. Pirro petitioned the court to drop Hearn’s case, having apparently been assured the issue was the sh-tty renovation job, prompting a furious response from her boss, who is continuing to insist that vandals—probably ANTIFA or, possibly, members of the Sharks from West Side Story—were responsible for the pool’s bungled rehab job.

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